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NRL referees boss Tony Archer has defended the bunker in the wake of criticism of its decision to award Andrew Fifitas decisive try in State of Origin III. Yeezy Boost 350 Turtle Dove Cheap .Queensland captain Cameron Smith has left scratching his head after the video referees gave the green light to Fifitas 41st minute four-pointer, despite Michael Jennings being in front of the kicker.Despite being in an offside position, Jennings was ruled to have been passive and not involved in the play.Blues coach Laurie Daley said the rule had been relaxed and according to the NRL it has been an interpretation since 2013.At the point in which the ball is kicked, Michael Jennings is in front of the player who kicks the ball, Archer said.When you see Fifita take possession of the ball, there are three Queensland players who have retreated back to the ball and Jennings is behind those and having no influence on the game at that point. So I understand the decision and it being the correct decision.The try was compared to a no try in last years game III decider in which Johnathan Thurston was denied a try because Matt Gillett was in an offside position.However Archer said because Gillett handled the ball during the movement, he was deemed an active player and the try was turned down.But Melbourne, Queensland and Australian captain Smith hadnt got the memo about the interpretation being changed.My understanding is if a person is inside the 10m (when a try is scored after being) in front of the kicker, that is offside, Smith said.Im pretty sure last year we had a try taken off us. Matt Gillett might have been offside.That wasnt the refs ... that was the bunker that made that call, I understand that.But I didnt know we relaxed rules in our game.Maroons coach Kevin Walters agreed.I have to support Cameron, there, it was one of our things that didnt go our way, Walters said. Yeezy Boost 350 V2 Semi Frozen Yellow . The head of USA Boxing came out swinging Tuesday with an open letter to Tyson -- a former Olympic hopeful himself -- that accuses the former heavyweight champion of trying to poach fighters who might be candidates for the U. Yeezy Boost 350 V2 Lundmark . They were putting most of their energy into a record-setting offensive display. . Perhaps Carroll was so prepared for a break because he believes there is very little the Seattle Seahawks need heading into the off-season. "I dont see anything that we need to add. We just have to get better," Carroll said. SAN DIEGO -- Adam Jones and the Baltimore Orioles wore out Petco Park in a rare visit to the San Diego Padres big downtown ballpark.Jones hit a leadoff homer against his hometown team and Hyun Soo Kim and Chris Davis also homered for the Orioles, who beat the Padres 11-7 on Tuesday night for their sixth straight victory.The Orioles lead the majors with 123 homers, including 54 in June.Baltimore would have had a fourth homer, but center fielder Melvin Upton Jr. leaped and reached over the fence to rob J.J. Hardy of a two-run shot in the second. Upton then doubled off Mark Trumbo at first.Baltimore had plenty of hits that stayed in the yard, finishing with 17 total. Each regular had at least one. Davis, Manny Machado and Jonathan Schoop each had three.Since spring training, the lineup from one to nine, anybody can do damage, everybody contributes, Schoop said. One day, somebodys going to step up. Its fun. We play the game hard, we play the game right.Davis passed Hall of Famer Frank Robinson for sole possession of ninth place on the Orioles career home run list with 180. He and Machado had three hits apiece.Kim drove in three runs, adding an RBI double in the seven-run sixth. Davis homered and doubled in the inning, Schoop had a two-run double and Machado hit a two-run single.Jones, who went to San Diegos Morse High, hit an opposite-field homer to right, his 16th, on the second pitch from Erik Johnson. Kim also went to right field on his two-run homer in the fifth, his second. Davis drove reliever Carlos Villanuevas first pitch an estimated 417 feet to center leading off the sixth, his 19th.Ubaldo Jimenez (5-7) beat the Padres in consecutive starts, holding them to one run and three hits in five innings, with five strikeouts and four walks. He won 7-2 against the Padres in Baltimore last Wednesday.He made a lot of good pitches, manager Buck Showalter said. I thought he a had crisp fastball, had command of it. Yeezy Boost 700 Mauve For Sale. . I liked the fact he got right back up there and got some outs after the leadoff home run. Well take it.Upton had a big game for the Padres. He homered 462 feet, according to ESPN Stats & Information, off the batters eye in straightaway center field leading off the bottom of the first and had two defensive gems. The first was robbing Hardy of the home run, and the second was a sliding catch of Kims sinking liner in the third.Upton said his homer-robbing catch was No. 1 for sure on his list of big catches.Ive never really had an opportunity in center field, he said. Honestly, that one I just kind of jumped for it. Kind of surprised it ended up in my glove. I knew I was close to it, but I mean, odds are you catch that are very slim, but I did it, so, cool.Manager Andy Green said it was one of the best catches Ive ever seen from Upton. Kept the ball I the ballpark. That one I thought was gone. That one disappeared. I didnt realize he had caught it. It was a heck of a double play.San Diegos Wil Myers hit a three-run homer off Oliver Drake in the seventh, his 18th. It was his 11th this month, the most ever by a Padres player in June.Johnson (0-4) allowed four runs and seven hits in five innings, struck out two and walked none.TRAINERS ROOMPadres: CF Jon Jay went on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to June 20, with a broken right forearm. To take his place on the roster, infielder-outfielder Alex Dickerson was recalled from Triple-A El Paso.UP NEXTOrioles: RHP Yovani Gallardo (2-1, 6.04) is scheduled to start the series finale Wednesday afternoon.Padres: LHP Christian Friedrich (4-2, 3.60) is scheduled to make his ninth start of the season.The Associated Press contributed to this report. ' ' ' 
jcy Feb 6

 This electric motor is called a universal motor. The universal motor is a type of electric motor that can operate on either AC or DC power. It is a commutated series-wound motor where the stator's field coils are connected in series with the rotor windings through a commutator.

It is often referred to as an AC series motor. The universal motor is very similar to a DC series motor in construction but is modified slightly to allow the motor to operate properly on AC power. This type of electric motor can operate well on AC because the current in both the field coils and the armature (and the resultant magnetic fields) will alternate (reverse polarity) synchronously with the supply.

Tach Coil is an essential port of Washer Motor . In the back side of the motor, you can find the tach coil with we will not use but is good to know if you need to replace it with spare parts if this one is gonna break. By the name, I am guessing that with this component the washing machine controller is sensing the rpm of the motor and it regulates the speed according to the faze of the program.

washing Machine Motor Specs is also of great importance. Universal motors have high starting torque, can run at high speed, and are lightweight and compact. They are commonly used in portable power tools and equipment, as well as many household appliances. They're also relatively easy to control, electromechanically using tapped coils, or electronically. However, the commutator has brushes that wear, so they are much less often used for equipment that is in continuous use. In addition, partly because of the commutator, universal motors are typically very noisy, both acoustically and electromagnetically.

More information about Some Information about Washer Motor, please click the professional DDM Motors manufacturer - NanYang Motor , we have a professional R&D team which has rich experience cooperated with international brands. and we can develop and produce products according to the drawings or samples the customers offered.

The Path of Exile will receive its 3.9.2e update this week, which will improve the quality of life for players and fix some errors.

Casually, we are getting closer and closer to 4.0

If there is one thing we can't blame is Grinding Gear Games, it is an exemplary follow-up to its slash "MMO" slash banishment path. The New Zealand studio is already preparing for the next update, which will please more people.

This week, we prepared a new patch, made new improvements to the Path of Exile, and fixed some bugs. We plan to launch the 3.9.2e update in the next few days. In the meantime, you can view the release notes in this article. You can also Buy POE Exalted Orb on the website, which will greatly help your entire gaming experience.

There is no longer any problem of getting stuck in the cages of the zoo or the railings that resist our fire, which will not cause any damage. Besides, GGG took this opportunity to bring us some small improvements on the quality of life of players. Spheres are now listed alphabetically when placed in public safety, and players will be notified when they have completed the wake target. It also includes other improvements related to Atlas. Well, the error message has been updated.

Updated various error messages to indicate that projects with catalyst quality or new impact types cannot be split using Bestiary recipes. Thankfully, the client crash issue has been resolved. This crash usually occurs when a Frost Bomb is applied.

The Path of Exile is available on PC, Mac, PS4 and Xbox One. At the same time, provides service support for all players on the Path of Exile. Buy Exalted Orb to support the orderly development of the Path of Exile.

*phone call *

Boy: Hey, hun!

Girl: Hey.

Boy: I missed you at school today. Why weren’t you there?

Girl: Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.

Boy: Oh really? Why?

Girl: Oh, nothing. Just some annual shots, that’s all.

Boy: Oh.

Girl: So what did you guys do in Math today?

Boy: You didn’t miss anything that great, just a lot of notes.

Girl: Okay, good.

Boy: Yeah.

Girl: Hey, I have a question to ask.

Boy: Okay, ask away.

Girl: How much do you love me?

Boy: You know I love you more than anything in this world.

Girl: Yeah.

Boy: Why did you ask?

Girl: *silence*

Boy: Is something wrong?

Girl: No. Nothing at all. Um. How much do you care about me?

Boy: I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.

jcy Feb 5

Her eyes, oh her eyes. They got me every time.

They could never be classified as one color. They rebelled, taking on a different hue everyday. Every hour. Every moment. But they always sparkled with this emotion I could never place.

His smile, oh his smile. It zapped my heart every time.

His smile was something never to be taken for granted. He rarely showed it around people, but when he did, oh it was magic. The slight dimple in his cheek revealed his boyish nature.

But they always drifted from one another.

The timing never right. One was in a relationship. The other fresh out of one. Both single, but not ready to mingle. Or they would mingle, but with the wrong people. It was like this for years.

Until this.

It was snowing.

Her car was covered in the hardening white powder. She stared, hopeless. How could she get to work in this condition? A light flurry of snow falls from the sky, wetting her hood.

She sighs, holding a hand out.

A snowflake lands on her hand, almost immediately melting against her warm palm. A smile tilts her lips, her tardiness to the office momentarily taking a back seat.

He watches her, his unprotected hair catching snowflakes.

He had come here to break up with his girlfriend, who’s name he’d already forgotten. He didn’t know she had lived so close to her. Annalise. The one woman he could never have.

At her surprised appearance, he’d dropped his keys.

With his gaze still on her, he crouched down, fumbling in the cold snow for his car keys. But after stubbing his finger, he risks a glance down, swiping them up.

jcy Feb 5

The study also found that adulterous affairs are a common workplace issue, with 48% of respondents saying they knew a co-worker engaged in a workplace fling while in a committed relationship.

Workplace Romance Policies

Considering the amount of time most people spend working, where else is a couple to meet? Traditional places like church, family events, and leisure time activities don’t present the same pool of candidates as they did in earlier times.

The workplace provides a preselected pool of people who share at least one important area of common ground. People who work together also tend to live within a reasonable dating distance, and they see each other on a daily basis. So should romance be discouraged?

In a 2017 Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) survey, 57% of individuals responding said they engaged in a romantic relationship at work.2 In other surveys, 31% of those who have dated a co-worker say they ended up marrying that person.3 Other studies have reported a higher level of productivity from dating couples at work.

And yet, according to the SHRM study, only 42% of companies have developed a formal, written, workplace romance policy.2 The low percentage of policies and regulations that are in place are likely due to the unwillingness of employers to police workers and their relationships in the office.

According to Dana Wilkie, an online SHRM editor, periodic surveys by SHRM showed that 99% of employers with romance policies in place indicate that love matches between supervisors and their direct reports are not allowed. That percentage rose significantly over a 12-year period from 2001 to 2013.4

Many organizations forbid intimate relationships even outside supervisory relationships. Roughly a third of organizations forbid romances between employees who report to the same supervisor, and 12% won’t even allow employees in different departments to date.4

The SHRM research also found that some companies forbid hookups between their employees and clients or customers, and 11% forbid romances between their employees and employees of their competitors.4

HR and Management Concerns 

Respondents to the SHRM surveys who discouraged or forbade dating in the workplace cited concerns with potential sexual harassment claims, retaliation, assertions that a relationship was not consensual, civil suits, and workplace disharmony if the relationship should end.

Depending on the discretion of the dating couple, gossip in the workplace can become rampant and disruptive. They also worry about losing valuable employees who might seek employment elsewhere if the relationship ends.

Tips for HR Professionals

Organizations walk a fine line between ensuring employee productivity and interfering in the private affairs of their employees. Gary N. Powell, in a book on gender and work published in 1999, states, "that policymakers in most organizations believe that workplace romances cannot be legislated away and should be ignored unless they present a threat to the individual, group, or organizational effectiveness.

"Decision-makers in most organizations recognize that some form of managerial intervention is required when a workplace romance presents a serious threat to the conduct of work or group morale."5

As an HR professional, you also want employees to perceive your staff members as advocates for their well-being and morale, not as the rule-making, interfering, systematizing arms of management.



The Emotions of Love

More than Meets the Eye

By Addison Martin Cooper, Social Contributor

People often talk about love, but most of us are not fully aware about its true essence. There is lot of misconception about efficacy of love that holds us back to generate loving feelings towards others.

Love is not possessiveness. People look love as a possession that has to be acquired and preserved. To expect that others ought to provide it to us so that our life is filled with love is the biggest fallacy, which is cause of much unhappiness. It is not like any other material thing to be demanded from others. Even if other person offers us plenty of love, we may not be able to feel it. It is normal to blame others for not loving us, but much depends on our inner self whether it has capability to feel it from others.

Love is a feeling of well being and of good emotions. It is an activity that keeps us in good spirit and is liked to our emotions. Let us engage and create feeling of love by making self capable through appropriate changes in our dealings with others. There is no other way to love and be loved. The physical intimacy devoid of good feelings is not love but lust. People often fail to conceive love as pious in essence. While dealing with others, let us take care that our dealings make them cheerful, by helping them to come out of their problem, appreciate their successes and be grateful for help received from them. All these activities are to express love. The benefit of giving love to others is that it appeals to our heart and makes us connected to others, provides stability and security, removes fear and gives a feeling of being good towards other people. One can get to know love by first generating such feelings of being good to others. How can a person feel love from others if he is filled with ego, anger and selfish tendencies? These negative emotions suppress inner urge to love others.

Love is a divine energy. I had a very vague idea about love initially. As I tried to understand more about it, a completely different perspective and thinking develops that explains the true essence of love. I have come to know from spiritual literature that love is God and God is love. It appears too abstract in the first instance, but more we tend to think of God will make us to love God and all other creations of God. It is like energy flowing within us derived from Ultimate that thinks positive and helps in inner purification. Albert Einstein discovered energy mass equation that explains interconnection of material and energy. It revolutionized the thinking of present century by using a small amount of mass to derive a tremendous energy. Hence, along with our material existence, somewhere we are also part of the divine energy lying within us as dormant. Logically, this divine energy which is nothing but love brings us close to Ultimate. I can imagine that every one of us has a great capacity of this divine love within us, but it is hidden, untapped and misdirected. Great saints have worked on human beings from time to time by developing intense feeling of love and concern for others. This has helped them to achieve higher levels of spiritual growth and closeness with the ultimate. The true meaning of love is inner purification of soul. This is the real purpose of love.

Love is nothing but inner need and the reason for feeling happiness. Fill the requirement of soul by being in love with other person. The other person to whom you love is only an object to be loved; it is our own emotions that create love for that person. People love someone if they feel that person is an object of love. This feeling comes out of inner need. This is the reason that when the object of love is same, but still different people react to it in a different manner. A person may become an object of love for someone but similar feelings may be missing in the heart of other person. The feeling of love resides in us; other person becomes only a facilitator to bring out this feeling. Irrespective of how good other person may be, love will have to originate from you to create that loving emotion. All other things follow thereafter. These emotions come when we feel need of love as against negative emotions of anger and hate.

The advantages of giving love to the other person are essentially to fulfill our inner need and to generate happiness. If we demand love from other person, we may not be able to feel it when our inner condition is filled with negative feelings. Love is an activity of thinking good about others, doing all that can be done to make others feel good and acting in a manner that other person feels comfortable. It is not something to be demanded as it cannot be preserved; and we cannot take it or feel it unless we make ourselves capable for it.Everyone feels impact of love in their life. When you think good of other person, you are in same wavelength as your inner self (soul), which makes you feel light and joyful. Such feeling is love. It is not easy for a person to love someone as it takes time to understand and then develop liking of that person.

Media influences understanding of various issues in life including perception of love. Love has different meaning in media, which is not actual reality. The people in love as shown in media are projected somewhat special; it makes us to realize incapable of offering or getting that sort of love. People often adore type of love which is without any argument, full of sacrifices and tolerance from the other person. The media glorifies love and shows loving couple who do so many unusual things to attract each others’ attention. It affects perception of love.

We imagine women in love as beautiful, sacrificing and never arguing. The media depicts love based on physical attraction. In actual life situation, things are different. Love does not mean that there will not be any differences and the other person will always remain dumb. It does not mean that a person not very handsome or beautiful will be less attractive and loving in nature. The attractiveness of a person is depicted from overall personality that is a combination of physical looks, positive attitude and confidence. The love stories as reflected in media and narrated by other persons do mostly narrate physical aspect of love. It does not emphasize on the emotional closeness and spiritual part of the love which is more subtle and enduring. Our perception of love is thus limited in nature.

Life is not always about happy or sad situation. It has its own moments of ups and down. How to adjust in each situation and take it in stride will greatly affect the quality of life and relationship with other people. The perception of love as being devoid of any problem, trouble and pain is thus misconception. People feel more and more pain as they are not able to live in love in relationship with other people. Our perception of love has to change. We have to live with all the problems that we face in unison, sort out our differences and make change in our life style to bring semblance of love and tolerance in our attitude. We have to meet the need of soul to develop spiritual love for other persons which goes beyond the physical attraction.



Rethinking Love: Is love an emotion?


Paul Ekman, Contributor

Founder of Paul Ekman Group

02/14/2017 01:40pm EST | Updated February 15, 2018

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

February 14, 2017

Is love an emotion? Let's put aside loving your job or a piece of clothing, in which the use of the word "love" is as a superlative. That still leaves romantic love and parental love: Are either of these emotions? I think not and here's why: the time frame for emotions and love are radically different. Emotions come and go, sometimes lasting as little as a few seconds, and rarely more than an hour. If we recollect that we were mad for an hour or afraid for an hour close examination reveals that actually we felt that emotion a number of times within the hour, it wasn't one continuous emotional episode.

Both parental love and romantic love involve long-term commitments, intense attachments to a specific other person. Neither is itself an emotion. Emotions can be very brief, but love endures. However, while romantic love can endure throughout a lifetime, it often does not. Parental love, more typically, is a lifelong commitment, although there are exceptions in which parents disown their children. Loving your child doesn't mean that you might not be afraid of the risks that they take, annoyed when they don't show up for a meeting with you, sad when they are disappointed, or happy when they succeed.

While romantic love does not usually endure as long as parental love, sometimes it does, and even when it doesn't, it's not a momentary state but, again, a committed attachment during which many different emotions are felt. In parental love and romantic love, you care, you're involved, and you're more susceptible to experiencing a variety of emotions. And those emotions don't endure, they come and go, lasting only seconds or at most minutes, not a lifetime as is found in parental love and hoped for in romantic love.

If this blog has raised questions for you in relation to the concept of love as an emotion, see Paul's book, "Emotions Revealed", for a straightforward and easy to read of this fascinating area.

Dr. Paul Ekman is a well-known psychologist and co-discoverer of micro expressions. He was named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by TIME magazine in 2009. He has worked with many government agencies, domestic and abroad. Dr. Ekman has compiled over 40 years of his research to create comprehensive training tools to read the hidden emotions of those around you. To learn more, please visit:


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Paul Ekman - Founder of Paul Ekman Group 

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jcy Feb 5


love-pinkLove is a complex set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person. Love can also be used to apply to non-human animals, to principles, and to religious beliefs. For example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God.


Love has been a favored topic of philosophers, poets, writers, and scientists for generations, and different people and groups have often fought about its definition. While most people agree that love implies strong feelings of affection, there are many disagreements about its precise meaning, and one person’s “I love you” might mean something quite different than another’s. Some possible definitions of love include:

A willingness to prioritize another’s well-being or happiness above your own.

Extreme feelings of attachment, affection, and need.

Dramatic, sudden feelings of attraction and respect.

A fleeting emotion of care, affection, and like.

A choice to commit to helping, respecting, and caring for another, such as in marriage or when having a child.

Some combination of the above emotions.

There has been much debate about whether love is a choice, is something that is permanent or fleeting, and whether the love between family members and spouses is biologically programmed or culturally indoctrinated. Love may vary from person to person and culture to culture. Each of the debates about love may be accurate in some time and some place. For example, in some instances, love may be a choice while in others it may feel uncontrollable.


Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and lust. Both are associated with physical attraction and an intoxicating rush of feel-good chemicals, coupled with an often overwhelming desire to be closer to another person, but only one is long-lasting: love.

Love is something that is cultivated between two people and grows over time, through getting to know him or her and experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. It involves commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance.

Lust, on the other hand, has to do with the sex-driven sensations that draw people toward one another initially and is fueled primarily by the urge to procreate. Characterized by sex hormones and idealistic infatuation, lust blurs our ability to see a person for who he or she truly is and consequently, it may or may not lead to a long-term relationship.

For instance, Lana is in a committed relationship with Steve and her sexual desire for him is waning. She loves and cares for him, but she finds herself feeling restless and dissatisfied with their physical relationship. When she meets Brendan, she experiences instant feelings of attraction and longing. The chemical messengers in her brain start sending signals to pursue this new man, even though she does not know anything about him other than how his presence makes her feel physically. Instead of working to improve intimacy with her current partner, she is overcome by lust for someone new.

The ideal intimate relationship scenario, some might say, involves a balanced combination of love and lust. After all, lusting after someone is typically an important early phase of a long-term partnership, and reigniting that initial spark is a practice worth cultivating for committed couples.


Although almost no one can agree on a single definition of love, most people do agree that love plays a significant role in both physical and psychological well-being. Numerous studies have demonstrated the benefits of love. Love’s role in mental health is far-reaching, but some examples include:

The fact that babies who are not shown love and affection in the form of frequent holding and cuddling may be developmentally delayed or ill.

Feeling unloved is strongly correlated with feelings of low self-esteem and depression.

People who both feel loved by others and who report loving other people tend to be happier.

Love can play a role in long-term health, and feeling emotionally connected may help increase immunity.


How To Tell If You’re In Love Or Just Emotionally Dependent On Your PartnerBy KRISTINE FELLIZARJune 13, 2018Ashley Batz/Bustle

It's hard to truly define what being in love feels like because it's different for everyone. Because of that, people can confuse being in love for something else like lust or compatibility. But are you mistaking attachment for love? According to experts, it's important to know for sure if you want to prevent yourself from falling into negative relationship patterns.

"Couples who are emotionally dependent on their partner and aren’t in love, tend to be in love with the idea of being in love," Julie Spira, Dating and Relationship Expert, tells Bustle. These are the type of partners who tend to "catastrophize" every detail. For instance, when it comes to texting, they might analyze the punctuation marks and the type of words that are used. They may wonder about the response time and why it took longer than usual. In short, they'll look for meaning in things that don't really matter.

Love can make you do some pretty unusual things. But it shouldn't make you feel super anxious. Instead, Spira says those who are genuinely in love, enjoy being in touch and welcome all forms of communication. They don't worry about how long they should wait to respond or what words would make them seem more interesting.

"People in love don’t have to fight that hard to keep the relationship alive," she says. "People who are emotionally dependent on the relationship, worry about their relationship status, tend to feel insecure, and will cling on to the relationship for dear life. The fear of losing it becomes greater than the ability to just love."

So are you actually in love or just emotionally dependent on your partner? Here's how you can tell if you might be emotionally dependent, according to experts.

1. When They're In A Bad Mood, You Assume You Have Something To Do With ItAshley Batz/Bustle

"When you are emotionally dependent on your partner, your mood (happiness, sadness, loneliness, anxiety) is mostly contingent upon your partner's mood and upon your interpretation of what you believe your partner's mood is," Dr. Danielle Forshee, clinical psychologist and social worker, tells Bustle. Basically, if your partner comes home in a funk, you may be in that funk. Beyond that, you might wonder if your partner's bad moods have something to do with you. But when you're in love, it shouldn't be like that. "You will feel pain if your partner is experiencing pain, and you will experience sadness if your partner is experiencing sadness, however you will not feel fully responsible for their feelings," she says.

2. Your Partner Is The Center Of Your WorldAshley Batz/Bustle

If your partner has become the major focus in your life, then you may be emotionally dependent on them. "Someone who is not emotionally dependent will feel comfortable having hobbies and activities outside of the relationship, psychotherapist Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, tells Bustle. "However, a person who is dependent has one true interest in life, and that is their partner." There's nothing wrong with making your relationship a priority. But your partner's happiness shouldn't be the focus of your entire life. There should be balance.

3. You Get Jealous When They Spend Time With Other PeopleAndrew Zaeh for Bustle

If you're emotionally dependent on your partner, you might feel jealous when they want to hang around other people. Even the most secure people feel jealousy from time to time. But if it's a constant thing, that can signal a problem. According to relationship coaches, Diana and Todd Mitchem, emotionally dependent partners feeling jealous happens because they don't feel fully safe and secure when their partner isn't spending their time with them. It makes them nervous and they start wondering if their partner is pulling away because they're not into the relationship anymore. "If you were actually in love with your partner then their time spent away would not bother you, especially cause you to feel jealous," the Mitchems say. "In a balanced relationship, both people need time away from one another and use their emotional intelligence to grow the relationship beyond one another’s emotional attachment."

4. You Become Anxious When You're ApartAshley Batz/Bustle

If you don't feel comfortable with the status of your relationship when your partner needs space, that may be a sign you're emotionally dependent. "Spending time alone is a regular part of any relationship," Mendez says. "In a healthy relationship, you should feel satisfied or content even when the two of you are apart." When you're emotionally dependent on your partner, however, it's hard to feel satisfied unless your partner is with you.

5. You Don't Think You Could Function If They Ever Decided To Leave YouAndrew Zaeh for Bustle

When you're in love with someone, the thought of them leaving you is painful. But according to Mendez, when you're emotionally dependent, that thought might terrify you. "You feel like you’ll do almost anything to get them to stay," she says. That's because emotionally dependent people can't imagine being single. As a result, Spira says they might ignore any red flags that come up. "Those who are in love give their partner the space they need, without worrying that they’ll be losing them." They’ll also take the time to communicate their concerns and ask them what’s going on, instead of allowing it to cause unnecessary tension in the relationship.

6. You Keep ScoreAndrew Zaeh for Bustle

"Couples who are genuinely in love have each other’s backs and don’t keep score," Spira says. When you're dependent on your relationship, you might keep score and be passive-aggressive when you realize there's an imbalance. For instance, if your partner doesn't call you one night, you might tell yourself that you won't answer their calls the next day. According to Spira, this can result in unnecessary mind games which is just exhausting.

7. Your Love For Them Is ConditionalAshley Batz/Bustle

Expression of conditional love is a huge sign that you are in an emotionally dependent relationship, the Mitchems say. For example, if you feel that you can only love your partner if they meet your expectations, that's not a great sign. "In a relationship that is based on love and one another’s personal growth, you love one another no matter what," the Michems say. Your feelings shouldn't vary day-to-day depending on what your partner does or doesn't do for you. "If there are things that you would like your partner to do for you, you ask them and explain why," they say. For the most part, unconditional love takes time. But when you truly love someone, you can't expect them to do things for you.

Being emotionally dependent on your partner doesn't mean you're a bad partner. It doesn't always mean that you need a ton of attention in order to be happy. You just have things you may need to work on. If you realize that you're more emotionally dependent on your partner than in love, registered clinical counselor, Jordan Pickell, MCP, tells Bustle that you can begin to step out of this pattern by learning ways to self-soothe. What type of activities bring you joy? What calms you down when you're feeling anxious?

"In healthy relationships, both partners should feel energized and continue growing as people," she says. It's difficult to do that when you're dependent on someone to make you feel secure. But once you find those little things that can make you happy on your own, your relationship will be much better because of it.


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